Ever feel like writing, but can’t ?

While I have had much to write about lately, nothing comes to mind to write. Nothing going on on SS. Hearing on the house coming up. No Dr’s appt’s yet thanks to no insurance until Oct. Seems like complete madness with no end in site.

More later if anything productive comes up. Health is the same. Today is a tremendous pain day.

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Another post for today since I;m thinking about it

I now am dyselxic. I mean when I write. What I used to write without event hinking about it in a millisecond or two. I now have to go back and spend 30 minutes editing and respelling and also trying to figure back out what I was saying in the first place! lol! Probably shouldn;t lol, bt it is as humorous as it is frustrating. Damn, I could get so much more done if I didn;t have to check, and recheeck everything I do now! sheesh!

I have been thinking it would be nivce to have some feminine around again. To help, get me to Dr’s and stuff, shedule, make sense of the things I write and bills and such (man, do I make a mess out of them anymore!) bounce ideas off of, and in general, just to keep me going in the right direction! Any takers! lmao!

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Yesterday and Today

No, this isn’t going to be a retrospective look back and forward look post! lol It’s literally about yesterday and today.

Yesterday wasn’t too bad of  a day for a change. Woke up at 8 am. Made some breakfast after the first batch of goodies (regime stuff). Just to make you jealous, I made a 4 egg omelette with fresh spinach, bacon, tomatoes, onion, grilled shiitake mushrooms, and provolone cheeses. Fantastic. Was able to read some mail and make sense of it. Mowed the lawn and went for a ride with Rob out towards Anza to make sure his truck was fixed this time. Back home, chilled a bit. Good cigar with Rob, then to the store to get some more salmon for dinner for the boys and I. Grilled salmon, grilled veggies on kabobs and a caeser salad. Down about 11 and slept on the couch.

Then today….not up until noon. bagel and dizziness and tired, but not as bad as has been the past few months. Maybe some energy and brains will make a visit later.

Posted notices for my business that they will be taking a brief hiatus. I don’t know how long, but I can’t get the double encryption 512k salted (my own deveopment)/login/registration/database/email right and finished yet. Still to cumbersome of a task and it’s not back to making sense yet. So I have decided while I am making the effort to get the medical help and services I need and deserve, that it will have to go back burner for a moment. All will still be there when I’m ready and nobody else can so what I do, so not worried about that either.

Over the past 5 days I have been able to get my truck bed , and the rest of the truck polished and clean, hard water spots all gone and so is the clearcoat peeling on the bed, but the paint job was shitty prior, so the base coat got sanded through in some spots. Doesn’t look 100%, but it looks a lot better than it did with the clearcoat peeling. Wheels are repainted now too. It looks a lot better to get around to the Dr’s! lol! Now I just need to get the registration current so the kid can drive it after I can get $ together to get his permit. 5 days! ugh! I should be able to do this in one day!

Got the discount stuff for my medical into the Electric co, so hoping for that 30% discount on the bill each month. Got the paperwork in for my youngest for school lunches next year. Still waiting on the new insurance so I can get to the Dentist and the kid too. He needs a new crown. The one he has is too sort now from when he busted his tooth at Van’s a few years ago.

Enough for the moment. Let’s hope for some energy to get better stuff done! Looking forward to getting this dragon under control and get back into business. I need the millions! True story! 😉

 

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Has been a strange week of up and down.

This has been a weird week with not as much progress as I had expected, and much less energy as well.

Got out of the hospital Sunday night. It has become obvious to me that I am not moving forward at anywhere close to my prior capabilities, nor really moving forward much at all. Monday was all about getting electricity back on as I had really screwed the pooch with what I had done (see post about why I went into the hospital) and making a more strident effort at getting medical and financial help to get better.

With the help of Heap program, my kids and Mom, got electricity back on late Monday after a week of sweltering and sleep (even in the heat). Had been using the converter in my truck with extension cords into my house, with 8 2 liter frozen bottles from my neighbors to keep all the food in the fridge cold. Amazingly, only some vegetables spoiled. Everything else, even milk, stayed cold! Got lucky there. Also, have gotten the paperwork in for price reduction on electricity for future which will hopefully make it able for me to keep it going without a problem.

By the way, it has been over a year without an income. Can’t work in my field at the moment, and due to a one day error on unemployment the last time I had it a couple of years ago, I am not eligible for it until I pay them a sum of $. It seems stupid that they can’t take it out of what I should get, having a full two years at max available that I am qualified for, but nope. you have to pay them cash up front to get what you are owed. Unfortunately, with the thinking problem, it has been too difficult to make headway with this, so we have been living off of first, any savings, then the sales of my bmw, street bike, two dirt bikes, trailer, all my electric musical equipment, and even my jacuzzi! Bummer! So, if I get better, I have all that to replace. Not that worried and it is material things, so not ultra important in the grand scheme of it all, but still, it’s damn hard to acquire all that stuff, and may be harder now to replace with this hideous economy, illness, and now uh, further maturity! lol!

Also, went to Social Services, which I detest, but, in retrospect, I have paid a significant amount (thanks to a higher than average income throughout my working life, have paid much more than most) and now I need some back, so while I really shouldn’t let it affect me this way, it still does. And hey, the welfare kings new and better healthcare system ran my supplier out of the state, and it was one of the best in coverage, f’ em. Now I must also seek disability. ugh! , if I can get better, I must do this no matter how much poorer the services will be than previous, to get better. Have too many things to make yet, and one more to get through high school.

But, as I said, I had started to feel a little better by Tuesday. Had mowed lawn and did some rubbing and buffing on my truck, but Wednesday could only work a couple of hours before capitulating, and Thursday and Friday, was essentially worthless.

Have been discussing with a friend I grew up with that is a Dr some approaches to get my thinking and energy back. I have an event in Hollywood that I need to film both the event, and the after parties, for a very good friend as a gift August 25th. Have professional video production equipment lined up for it, but must get better before I can go do it. It is a one time deal for him and I would hate not being able to do this for him So we will see about it.

So, with discussing with her, I have added L arginine to my regime, and also L Glutamine. Along with my Lactulose prescription, I’m hoping to get things rolling again quickly. I have some more discussions to do with her tomorrow, as she would like me to change my diet radically until then. I have also started an effort to cleanse out my liver and have been drinking only lemon water (no soda, or coffee) for 3-4 days now, It may be due to the lack of caffeine that has added to the lethargy as I am an extreme soda drinker. Really extreme! lol!

Enough for now. More soon.

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WEll now, that was certainly different!

Home from the hospital and feeling somewhat better, although the Dr. said it will take a bit to be feeling up to par again. Ammonia went way up again, and apparently this time, I was hallucinating? That’s a first! Don’t remember going to any parties? lol!

Now, it looks like things that I wanted to do in business and personal will have to be put off for a bit, and treatment will have to be started. Long ways to go, but there’s still a chance that all will be ok within a year or so. I suppose sometimes, life and plans jsut have to be put on the back burner. I also should know this having gone through Heidi having cancer. Maybe the outcome for me will be better! Still need a couple years to get the youngest finished with high school.

Now the big task of getting medical, since the welfare kings great free insurance program ran my great insurance out of the state! Started that process and will see how it goes with that. Have good program to get into, just an insurance thing now.

Will write more later. Good to be seeing and hearing somewhat normally again!

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My vision and hearing are so odd

Seeing things is unusual, to say the least. I see things in what I call ‘fractals’. it’s like crystaline chunks, Sometmes it’s clear, but it usually in this chucky mznner, which makes it difficult to read and do other things.

My hearing is a continual monstrous ring. I have had tinittius for a long time, but this is just a loud continual ring. Sometimes it is like crickets chirping loudly. Makes it hard to carry on a conversation.

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Things need to get better

Been a horrific few days and doesn’t seem to be getting better. Looks like I am now to the point of having some severe memory problems. I have filled out some requests for help, but can’t remember how to get back to them. also, asked for some help publicly on facebook, but got alot of questions and jokes.

Sitting here without electricity. Can’t figure out a way to get it turned back on. Was able to get some power from my truck to run the laptop, so that’s cool. Got some ice from a friend for fridge. Kids are doing ok. They are housesitting a friends forn two weeks, so they’re covered. Oldest is still working alot of hours.

Was hoping to get some help, get better and get my business ideas going, but don’t think that will happen now.

Got some denial letters for help, but can’t make sense of them. lol! Just wish someone would help me get this stuff figured out so I can get better! ugh!

Pain is getting to a very high level. Maybe it won’t last too much longer.

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Thought today would be better…

Up all night after the first dose of the new regime. Finally fell asleep about 7 this morning and then slept until 4. Yuk! Do feel a little more with it though! Will see how sleep and getting up and doing things goes tomorrow.

It is better as far as making sense out of things though. Can finally start to read my way through code again which is very important for me, so that’s a bonus. Maybe I can finally get this website registration system done and up and running. Need to get income going desperatly now!

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And Let’s talk about weed, Shall we?

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Smoked a lot of weed in my time, but this latest infusion of how weed heals every ill and cures every known medical problem is pretty much….eh, bullshit folks!

Marijuana is good for you, I have no doubt, and yes, it will help with some things medically I’m sure. I know it help with cognitive thinking, eyesight and a host of other things, but here’s a little tip of the iceberg of knowledge for you, breathing clean air, eating good food and laughing a lot also helps. We,, let’s not forget good sex, which should be rated right next to breathing, but this is about weed, not sex, even though they work well together.

We do need to come up with a new name for it since the governement made this name so tragic for so many. And by the way, just release all of the prisoners that started with a weed thing. Now. Dummerassels. You and your money train prison state needs to be in prison, not the rest of us. Matter of fact, you just need to be gone from this planet. Nobody here needs you around. Please, do us all a favor and take out the gun that we pay for and put it to your temple and pull the trigger. We can spare the expense of the bullet, and we’ll use you plastic casket that you had planned for us to bury you in should we decide not to let the wild animals eat you instead.

Drugs. What a crime eh? Been there, done that. Pretty much with all of ’em. Usually a pretty girl or two in tow. Sneaky, aren’t they? See how that works? ahhhhh!

Phsychedelics? Now here’s an important avenue to turn onto at least once, if not more often. Most I find that can’t handle them, or are against them are complete cowards. They are just sucking up too much of our breathing air. Need to get rid of a few of them and the world would be a brighter, better place.

But, back to weed. I am starting up that regime again as it does have benefits and better to see if they are helpful for this than to neglect it.

Anybody got any good seeds? I know a girl that needs some more clothes! 😉

 

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Haven’t posted in awhile, time to update.

It has been a miserable few weeks. I think. Time changes dramatically when in the grips of this disease. A month can pass without so much as a remembrance of it while a minute can drag on for days. The anxiety of getting through one minute to the next doesn’t help either!

I have actually been trying to figure out a login system with 256 bit encryption all this time. It should be simple for me to work through ten files talking to a database to propogate information, and yet I cannot figure out the most simple of calls, and gt lost in the next file from where I was, to where I am looking for trails. Sometimes I have to quit after just a few minutes as it is not physically painful, but mentally painful to try this. Other days, it just the head bobble and I’m too tired, so over to the couch, turn TV on and sleep for oh, 16 to 20 hours. Weird to say the least!

Several years ago when this first hit hard and took me down so low that I did think the end was near, I got tired of waiting, had some personal incidents that needed attention (kidnapping of my youngest by tweaker aunt and phychotic med addict grandma) and a new/old flame/lust/crush got my blood circulating after the last criminal thief was booted to the curb with along with her psycho lying cronies, I started a regime that seemed to get me better. It was based on a Johns Hopkins research that I happened to find. Many different vitamins and supplements, some that I had not heard of before. But after a bit, it seemed to be working and my mind came back enough to work and things were better. Got somewhat back to normal and the party went on.

btw, there were a couple of significant friends who were there through and through, and will remain a part of me forever. Some that had recently came back into my life. They were a part of me before, but showed a different side of friendship by staying and will always hold a special place for me. Unlike several of the thieves that tried to take advantage of the situation. Some have even tried to become friends again, like that will ever happen. Some forgiven, but that won’t be forgotten. Some…. well, we all know what happens to those kinds. Karma gets very vicious. I like the way it gives, and gives, and gives and they are so happy, then….oops, where’d that little box go you were preaching from so loudly just a minute ago!  That and the judgemental ones that don’t think I know what they are saying behind my back, too afraid to say it upfront as they know that they don’t even know what they are talking about! Just remember, I’ve seen your skeletons, and you do a very good job of stabbing yourself. I don’t need to do anything. I’m patient and can wait years for a joke to be pulled off. I probably take a little too much joy from that, but what the hell, eh? lol! 😉

But, back to getting better. I’m starting another regime. A little skewed from the original, but may have found a certain item that is one of the most beneficial for energy,which if I’m ever going to get these biz’s up and going, I desperately need. Plus, who else is going to stop the one world government? These Facebook crybabies? Yeah, ok. I’ll hold me breath. The welfare king and his minions are still in office and now the Mexicans are firing on us? THE MEXICANS? wtf? This must be a joke because int he world I live in, it would be the U.S. by now and I would be lounging on my beachfront property in Baja or the Mexican Riviera right now. It’s been 24 hours. Not like they’re Iraq or anything? WTH? They all want to come here anyways, let’s just add it to America and move our border a few thousand miles south. It’s a lot smaller to watch then too! Bonus! Mosat of the rest of South America doesn’t want to come here anyways since they know they already live better than here!

So, the new regime is thus; Manesium Glycanate 800mg min per day (not any other kind of Magnesium as you don’t absorb them. All Americans can benefit from this!), Vitamin D3, which benefits the absorption of Magnesium (no, I sit in front of a computer most of the day and don’t get enough sun), Milk Thistle ( I know huh?) 600 mg, Sliymarin/CoQ10/N-Acetyl, Vitamin C min 1000mg per day (helps with everything. take up to 3000mg somedays) and have to get some more, but B12 or B Complex.

What do I eat? Watched a video of  stuff to stop eating. Pretty sure they are the crazy ones, not me. No, I’m not stopping drinking. I cut way back for sure, but a glass of wine with a pretty lady? Having a few beers and shots and throwing darts with my amigo? Yeah. Won’t be stopping. Hey, face it, without quality of life, all the quantity is zero benefit! No fatty foods. hmmmm…. cross that one off that nutjob list too. Again. Quality. Processed foods. Never been a big fan, just eat them out of convenience, no other reason.

Oh, filled out paperwork for government healthcare and help. Disgusted beyond belief. Really am, but, if I can get better for good, so be it. Have been unemployed for a solid year now (and for the whiners, that has been without unemployemnt! tada! Ouchee, that ones gonna hurt huh?) but like a few have told me, and even I hafta agree, I’ve paid far more than most into all this drivel and now I need some of it back. Give it to me, or I will take it. Whichever. You work for me. Not the other way around. I didn’t forget that, though most have seemed too! Besides, think you can make weapons that can bring the worlds biggest threats to their knees? Well, I didn’t see you around the last time doing it, so I doubt you have the capability to. Just like the world needs ditch diggers, it also needs guys like me that don’t mind breaking a sweat and getting some dirt under my fingernails.

Opinionated much Paully? LMAO! Why, I never stopped! See you soon out on the edge. Don’t be afraid. I hang out there alot! Remember, otherwise, you’re just taking up space! 😉

Enough for today! Watch for more!

 

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